Nintendo of America seriously just hired Bowser. Can companies really hire turtle-like dictators with serial kidnapping tendencies?

Okay, okay – Nintendo says it hired Doug Bowser – a human, supposedly – and he's serving as the "Super Mario" maker's new vice president of sales. Nintendo claims that Bowser has "no relation to the King Koopa and Mario’s longtime nemesis," but we have our doubts.

Here's a picture of Doug Bowser – or as we're calling it, EXHIBIT ONE:

Looks like a nice enough guy, right? More importantly, there's no clear indication of a spiky shell on his back or a proclivity for antagonizing plumbers. Here's how Doug Bowser looks next to the definitely-not-related villain also named Bowser.

Let's call this EXHIBIT TWO:

Pretty different looking, we'll give Nintendo that. But what happens when you zoom and enhance this photo?

We give you EXHIBIT THREE:

What's that lurking just over Bowser's shoulder? Could it be?

It is! It's Bowser Jr., of  "Super Mario Bros." fame – the goofy progeny of the King Koopa, Bowser. You can't fool us with your thinly-veiled ruse!

Clearly this "Doug" Bowser is just a front for Bowser Jr. and the rest of the Koopalings to take over the world. Clearly this isn't just a coincidental last name. Clearly.

As people should be, they are freaking out.

The topic is even trending on Twitter in the US:

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