Mrs. Flicks and I saw “Sherlock Holmes” this weekend. We enjoyed it, as did our movie buddy, or buddette, in this case. But odd things happened right from the jump.
Mrs. Flicks and I saw “Sherlock Holmes” this weekend.
We enjoyed it, as did our movie buddy, or buddette, in this case.
But odd things happened right from the jump.
First, we were there 30 minutes early. That never happens. We took the center seats with the metal railing. Feet up, no guilt. So far, so good. Mrs. Flicks got popcorn and a Sprite, and briefly considered Gummy Bears for me, but alas, she said, the price of the tiny box made her cry a little. Nothing says love quite like a wise decision.
The theater wasn’t exactly packed, but as I set about establishing my no-sit zone, two people crashed my borders and sat behind me. Come on, there’s a whole theater! Right behind me? Really? They couldn’t even go up one row? Commence looming.
Mrs. Flicks sat beside me with her snacks, which she promptly offered for sharing. The Sprite tasted suspiciously of Slice, but mostly ice. $5.75 for carbon and water. Check. The popcorn wasn’t popped as much as it was diced, chopped, crushed and crunched. Each handful produced only sad, flaky, unsatisfying bits. $5 for over-salted dregs. Check.
Then in walks a mom and three, four, five ... I stopped counting ... children. Isn’t there some award for getting that many children up, dressed and moving in the same direction? They were loud and stompy but left halfway through the film. Why?
Nick Cage was featured in two trailers and one wig. Is it his real hair? Is he saving money on hair cuts? In the “Something Something of the Something” he plays a knight. Maybe stuck in “The Ring.” In “The Something’s Other Thing,” he plays a sorcerer … in New York, I think. There was a giant metal bird and lots of yelling ... yeah.
Then the “Iron Man 2” trailer hit and I kinda forgot where I was and what I was doing.
But I digress. “Sherlock Holmes” suffered from three things:
- A take-over-the-world plot involving a guy that looked way too much like Andy Garcia in the “Ocean’s” movies.
- Not quite enough Jude Law.
- Not nearly enough Robert Downey Jr. The guy owned every scene and frankly, I’m not sure he was trying all that hard.
My one question for the sequel?
Is Professor Moriarty a cable company executive?
Opening this week is:
“The Book of Eli”: Denzel Washington as Denzel Washington, post-apocalypse style. With a big knife. And Gary Oldman. Wheel house for both guys.
“The Spy Next Door”: Jackie Chan is a former CIA spy dumped into suburbia. Apparently Jackie never saw “The Pacifier.” But then again, no one else did. That joke brought to you compliments of 2005.
And something called “Hoodwinked Too! Hood VS. Evil.” I found a few pictures and no trailer. Discuss.
John Meo writes for the Norwich Bulletin in Norwich, Conn. This column is the opinion of the writer and not of the newspaper.